The Most Important Words In A Marriage

People mistakenly think that the most important words in a marriage are “I love you”. It would make sense that these words are the most important however, “I love you” may start a marriage but it won’t keep it going.

The most important words for a successful marriage are ones that admit wrongdoing and offer an apology i.e. “I am sorry”, “I was wrong”, “You were right”.

Admitting wrongdoing is extremely hard but doing so along with an apology may sometimes be the most important thing for a spouse to hear.

The problem with newlyweds is that it’s difficult to adjust to the new lifestyle. Because of their male ego, men have a hard time admitting that they are wrong and women stubbornly think that they can change their husbands in just a matter of months (ha! not even years!).

I can safely say that I am a different person now than when I first got married. This isn’t my own observation as much as it is my wife’s. When I first got married, everything was everyone else’s fault. In traffic, it was the fault of the car in front of me, the ‘stupid’ bus, or the annoying traffic light that was always out of sync with the one before and after it. When one turned green, the other turned red. It wasn’t my fault if I drove like an idiot it was their fault.

Admitting Fault
I recall an incident one time when I was driving with my wife to the mall. While we were driving through the parking lot, I wasn’t being careful and had to stop suddenly when a family left the mall and crossed the parking lot right in front of me. My response was automatic. I got mad at these people for getting in my way. However, inside I knew I was wrong. I could also tell that my wife was annoyed with my immature response. About ten seconds later, while looking for somewhere to park, I simply said, “It was my fault”. Hearing that, my wife turned to me and said, “I am proud of you for saying that”. It was hard to admit that I was wrong but when I did it felt good.

Saying ‘Sorry’ may not be enough
While its important to say “I’m sorry,” this statement falls short of accepting responsibility for your actions and admitting that you were wrong. If you say it often enough it quickly becomes a thoughtless and heartless comment – “Sorry dear”, “Honey, I’m sorry”.

Here’s the scenario:

Husband does something stupid (again), wife gets upset.

Husband: “I’m sorry”

Wife: “yeah right”

Husband: “I am”

Wife with an angry look on her face: “I can’t believe you did that”

Husband: “I’m… sorry”

Wife shakes her head and walks away

Husband shouts: “What do you want from me? I said I was sorry!”

Wife stops and turns around

Wife: “What you did was wrong!”

Husband: “Ok! I said I was sorry. How many times do you want me to say it?”

Wife: “Saying ‘sorry’ isn’t enough! I want you to admit that what you did was wrong!”

Husband: “Ok, I’m sorry”

Wife gives up (again) and walks away.

Many marriages don’t make it past the first year because either the husband or wife is just too stubborn to change. Admitting that you’re wrong takes a lot, but it also says a lot about who you are and how you have matured over the years.

This post has been submitted to the July 23 issue of the Carnival of Family Life hosted over at the so called me

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